helloanimonster:

ANIMONSTER, @timdelaghetto & @pdflo GOT HOT IN 2DAZE POWERHOUSE RECORDING SESHUN. RICK IS SHY!! (Taken with instagram)

In the studio recording some Powerhouse today. Shit got weird.

It’s a METAPHOR!!!

Spoiler Alert: this post is about genitalia that does not belong to me.

No, I’m just kidding, it definitely belongs to me. This post is about my balls. Or rather, my scrotum. Enjoy!

Recently, and I’m not even sure how, I learned something new about that party. I was as surprised as you are; I thought I had pretty much unearthed every secret my crotch had to offer. My puberty was what one might call…”thorough,” so I had just assumed that the geography and it’s terrain had been well mapped. I was wrong.

Sometimes - and any male readers will know what I’m talking to - when a guy goes to the bathroom to shake the bush (urinate) he can’t get the faucet running right off the bat. Sometimes there’s some coaxing to be done. Well apparently there’s a spot, just a tiny little area near the base of my right nut, which, if stoked just right, will release the spray instantaneously. 

Now this is great for baptizing a urinal - so far it’s saved me full minutes of my life and it’s a nifty trick to show off to your friends, but I know that this magical sprinkle spot has both a good side and a bad side.

I am terrified, absolutely terrified, that the next poor girl to be…”munching on the carrot” is going to bring a hand in to help… “harvest the onions” and accidentally stumble upon this button and I won’t be able to help myself. Something tells me that her rates will at least triple after that.

I think I should write Dear Abby about this…

helloanimonster:

NEW EPISODE OF POWERHOUSE WITH CARSON DALY! RAAAHHHRRR!!]]>

1. It promotes good hygiene - when you’re sexing on the regular you tend to take better care of yourself; all of a sudden getting your kid to wash behind their ears just got a lot easier.
2. It’s good exercise - You don’t have to worry about juvenile diabetes when your children are getting such good cardio from all that humping and pumping.
3. It’s good practice for when it really counts - Think about it like the Chinese olympic gymnastics team; you have to start training them when they’re four so that when they’re eight they’re just as good as a sixteen year-old.
4. It will tire them out - Next time you’re having trouble getting Dick and Jane to take their nap, just throw them in a bed together and put on some Marvin Gaye.
5. It helps build up the immune system - Exposing your child to all those sexual germs they otherwise wouldn’t encounter until their late adolescence is bound to be good for them. Maybe by the time they’re of age they’ll be immune to chlamydia. 

• “I don’t get what the big deal is, I think Sarah Jessica Parker is hot.”
• “I think I might go vegan…”
• “I guess the condom must have broken…”
• “Did you hear they’re remaking The Godfather?”
• “How much blood in my stool is too much?”
• “You can share needles if you both already have AIDS, right?”
• “Do you guys wanna watch my Best Of Carrot Top DVD?”
• “I miss floppy discs…”
• “Oh my God! This is my song!”
• “Brett Ratner is slated to direct the remake of The Godfather.”
• “Check out my new Crocs!”
• “Wow, I’ve never met a white guy who likes The Wu-Tang Clan!”
• “Guys, lesbians don’t actually scissor in real life, it’s just something they do in porn.”
• “Rohypnol is the same thing as Aspirin, right?”
• “I heard they offered the role to Nicolas Cage, but he turned it down.”
• “Just make sure you boil the water before you drink it…”
• “You know, Spike Lee seems like a pretty nice guy.”
• “Brett Ratner dropped out and now The Godfather remake is going to be directed by Michael Bay and it’s going to be a futuristic re-imagining that takes place in the not-too-distant future in which Japan has taken over the world and the Corleone family will now be an ancient clan of dystopian yakuza that ride hover motorcycles and fight with laser katanas.”

If there are any sentences I missed please share them!

You’ve probably heard the oft-quoted statistic that the average man thinks about sex once every seven seconds. Whether this is true or not, it neglects the real question at hand: what do men think of when they’re not thinking about sex?

Ladies, I have the answer: superheroes. It’s really all we care about. You know, besides tight, moist orifices.

And so today, in the few seconds between my sexual daydreams I found myself thinking about Batman. Cool guy, that Batman. Sweet car. But then of course my seven seconds would be up and I’d go right back to thinking about sex. And as my mind bounced back and forth between Batman and sex and sex and Batman, the line between the two subjects began to blur and I started thinking, as we all inevitably do, about Batman’s sex life.

Now The Dark Knight is no stranger to the feminine mystique. He’s had his fair share of romance and sexual tension. The problem is, whenever he’s about to go spelunking in some chick’s bat-cave some super villain decides to cock-block him with some dastardly plot that he has to go foil, which can be a real mood-killer. Either that or the girl he’s with turns out to be a super villain herself and even though Catwoman is sexy and whip smart, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s gotta take her in. And Arkham Asylum does not allow conjugal visits.

So what’s a masked vigilante to do? And then it hit me. It’s the 21st century. The digital age. The iPad 3 just came out for fuck’s sake. If Gotham’s guardian angel really wants to get some strange, then what better place to do it than OkCupid?

Ha! Batman on OkCupid! What a whimsical idea! What would his profile look like?

I’m so glad you asked! Below you will find the very real and completely not made up online dating profile of the gravelly-voiced crime-fighter:

Username: BatLover69

73 / M / Straight / Single / Gotham City

My Self Summary: 

I’m a Gotham native. My friends might describe me as an old soul with a youthful lifestyle. I love going out (I have a very active night life) but every once in a while I enjoy just staying in and watching surveillance footage on my giant super-computer. You know, a night just for me. Staying in shape is very important to me and I do my best to stay informed on current events.

What I’m Doing With My Life:

Hahaha, I feel like I’m always asking myself that… Right now I’m the CEO of Wayne Enterprises, but that’s really just to pay the bills. My real passion is for criminology and law enforcement. I try to go out and patrol the city as much as I can (kind of like a neighborhood watch thing) but it’s hard to balance the time.

I’m Really Good At:

Throwing batarangs, finding clues that GCPD somehow missed, doing sudoku, interrogating people, causing millions of dollars in property damage without killing anybody.

Favorite Books, Movies, Shows, Music, And Food: 

I don’t usually have time to read for pleasure - usually too busy going over old case files. I try to read the newspaper every morning though and I keep a few issues of WIRED in the bathroom.

AVATAR!!! (Also loved The Green Lantern)

NCIS, CSI, Law & Order: SVU, The Closer, Bones, and of course Grey’s

I’m big on film scores like Danny Elfman and Hans Zimmer.

I’ll try pretty much anything once :)

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without:

1. My utility belt
2. Alfred (he’s my rock <3)
3. Protein shakes
4. My incredibly enormous inheritance
5. Ibuprofen
6. Unlimited texting :P

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About:

Whether or not Commissioner Gordon saw me leave the last time I snuck off into the night while he was looking the other way.

Whether or not I should just give up and fucking kill The Joker already.

What does that cloud look like? lol

On A Typical Friday Night I Am:

I’m not one for typical - I might be exploring the sewers trying to catch Killer Croc one week and then spending the night in the bat cave trying to solve a riddle the next.

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit: 

My parents were murdered right before my eyes when I was a child.

I’m Looking For:

• Girls who like guys
• Ages 18-30
• Near me
• New Friends, Activity Partners, Casual Sex

You Should Message Me If: 

You want to polish my giant penny ;)

Many people know me as the son of Mr. Rechtman, but while he is my emotional father (I mean he did rear me after all), you may be surprised to learn that he is not my father! I have my own theories about from who’s loins I truly sprang.

Most of you should know enough about Greek mythology to be somewhat familiar with the idea of Gods descending down upon the earth, taking the forms of animals and impregnating women, thereby creating a generation of half-gods (or demigods).

It is my firm belief that 23 years ago, down from Mount Olympus strode Paninicles, the Greek god of sandwiches, who quickly took the form of a hoagie and made my mother big with child. And nine months later a new demigod was born: half human - half sandwich.

That’s why part of this blog is going to be about sandwiches. Every once in a while I will be posting thoughts, photos, tips, trivia and maybe even a few dreams about sandwiches.

And just in case you think I’m lying here’s some proof: the very first entry in my Sandwich Diary. 

The Basic Dinner Sandwich - Salami & Pastrami

This was the sandwich I ate last night; it has a great volume and a hearty density, with a somewhat sharp and sweet flavor. Here are some simple instructions for how to replicate it:

Begin with a generous spreading of mayonnaise on multi-grain sourdough bread. Then add a single, overlapping layer of pepper-crusted salami.

Cover that with a helping of pastrami. It’s important that you let this meat breath; try folding the strips over each other, giving the meat a wavy and fluffy build. On top of pastrami lay a thin layer of cucumbers to keep things crispy.

A few strips of thick juicy tomato will keep your sandwich from getting too dry and several carefully placed strips of cheddar cheese will give it some bite, while providing a forcefield to keep your bread safe from the soggy-ing juices of the vegetables. Finally, smear a thin film of Taramasalata (a Greek caviar spread) on the underside of your top slice of bread.

Then all you have to do is cut the sandwich cleanly down the middle, include a side or two (in this case chips & olives) and grab a refreshing drink to wash down the delicious sandwich you have before you (pairs well with milk or diet pepsi).

Enjoy! And if you have any sandwich submissions for me be sure to share them!