The Rechtman Chronicles


A little over a year ago I was outlining a screenplay and was having some trouble fleshing out the story. The problem, I realized was that I just had too many choices. I knew I wanted to write a horror movie in the style of “Cape Fear” or “Straw Dogs,” but that was all I had. The rest was up for grabs.

It might sound freeing, but it wasn’t. It was overwhelming having all of those possibilities flying out there in the ether, especially when I was trying to funnel them onto a 13” MacBook screen. I decided that I needed to lay out all of my thoughts at once, to visualize my options as a whole and then see how (and if) they connected. So I checked out Craigslist, borrowed my roommate’s Jeep, and shelled out $70 for a giant 6’ x 4’ whiteboard.

It was the best $70 I ever spent. The whiteboard is the reason I was able to finish that screenplay (which I’m pretty proud of), and I haven’t stopped using it since.

My whiteboard hangs on the wall opposite my bed so my ideas are the last thing I see before I fall asleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up. I write on it, outline on it, jot down random ideas, and draw on it. I stick index cards and pieces of paper on it with magnets and I use it when I’m on the phone and need to write something down.

Hell, I even used it to brainstorm ideas for how to organize this blog.

I swear, I’m not racist, but I would recommend a whiteboard over a blackboard because they’re magnetic and chalk dust makes you sneeze.

A writer’s greatest assets are his ideas. It is invaluable to have a blank surface on which to dump them. I’ll go into more detail about different ways you can use this blank surface later. Until then: go get yourself a whiteboard and write some good shit.    

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That’s what I would have titled this Blog had the URL been available. 

Yes, partially because I enjoy saying naughty words (as you can tell by my second choice), but mainly because the “Fuck Yeah” title is such a popular staple of Tumblr. And that’s the audience I’m hoping this blog will resonate with: writers who like Tumblr; writers who are “plugged in” as my mom would accuse us of being; writers my own age or younger who I can call my colleagues.This blog is for aspiring writers who could use a little advice, inspiration, or maybe just a little push in the right direction.

Right about now you’re probably asking yourself why the hell you should care what I have to say. What credentials do I posses that make me an authority on how to write?

The bad news is: I don’t have any credentials. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete amateur. I’ve worked as a staff writer and I have my fair share of IMDb credits to my name, but you won’t find my name in any card catalogue at your library, either. I haven’t published a novel (yet) and I haven’t sold a screenplay (yet). The closest I’ve come to being an author is having a short story printed in a college literary magazine.

The good news is: I won’t pretend to be an authority. Like I said, we’re colleagues. We’re all in the same boat. I’m just the guy who suggests that you focus on the horizon to keep you from puking over the side.

That’s what you’ll find here. Take them or leave them, it doesn’t matter to me. 

I can promise you this, though: it can’t hurt to give them a try. And who knows? Maybe it’ll be just the push you need to write that novel, outline that screenplay, or maybe even start that blog.

I started writing this blog about writing. I know, super meta. Take a look if you’re interested.


ANIMONSTER, @timdelaghetto & @pdflo GOT HOT IN 2DAZE POWERHOUSE RECORDING SESHUN. RICK IS SHY!! (Taken with instagram)

In the studio recording some Powerhouse today. Shit got weird.


ANIMONSTER, @timdelaghetto & @pdflo GOT HOT IN 2DAZE POWERHOUSE RECORDING SESHUN. RICK IS SHY!! (Taken with instagram)

In the studio recording some Powerhouse today. Shit got weird.

It’s a METAPHOR!!!

It’s a METAPHOR!!!

Too Much Information

Spoiler Alert: this post is about genitalia that does not belong to me.

No, I’m just kidding, it definitely belongs to me. This post is about my balls. Or rather, my scrotum. Enjoy!

Recently, and I’m not even sure how, I learned something new about that party. I was as surprised as you are; I thought I had pretty much unearthed every secret my crotch had to offer. My puberty was what one might call…”thorough,” so I had just assumed that the geography and it’s terrain had been well mapped. I was wrong.

Sometimes - and any male readers will know what I’m talking to - when a guy goes to the bathroom to shake the bush (urinate) he can’t get the faucet running right off the bat. Sometimes there’s some coaxing to be done. Well apparently there’s a spot, just a tiny little area near the base of my right nut, which, if stoked just right, will release the spray instantaneously. 

Now this is great for baptizing a urinal - so far it’s saved me full minutes of my life and it’s a nifty trick to show off to your friends, but I know that this magical sprinkle spot has both a good side and a bad side.

I am terrified, absolutely terrified, that the next poor girl to be…”munching on the carrot” is going to bring a hand in to help… “harvest the onions” and accidentally stumble upon this button and I won’t be able to help myself. Something tells me that her rates will at least triple after that.

I think I should write Dear Abby about this…



Five Reasons We Should Force Toddlers To Have Sex With Each Other
  1. It promotes good hygiene - when you’re sexing on the regular you tend to take better care of yourself; all of a sudden getting your kid to wash behind their ears just got a lot easier.
  2. It’s good exercise - You don’t have to worry about juvenile diabetes when your children are getting such good cardio from all that humping and pumping.
  3. It’s good practice for when it really counts - Think about it like the Chinese olympic gymnastics team; you have to start training them when they’re four so that when they’re eight they’re just as good as a sixteen year-old.
  4. It will tire them out - Next time you’re having trouble getting Dick and Jane to take their nap, just throw them in a bed together and put on some Marvin Gaye.
  5. It helps build up the immune system - Exposing your child to all those sexual germs they otherwise wouldn’t encounter until their late adolescence is bound to be good for them. Maybe by the time they’re of age they’ll be immune to chlamydia. 
Sentences That Should Always Be Followed With “April Fools!”
In no particular order:
  • "I don’t get what the big deal is, I think Sarah Jessica Parker is hot."
  • "I think I might go vegan…"
  • "I guess the condom must have broken…"
  • "Did you hear they’re remaking The Godfather?”
  • "How much blood in my stool is too much?"
  • "You can share needles if you both already have AIDS, right?"
  • "Do you guys wanna watch my Best Of Carrot Top DVD?”
  • "I miss floppy discs…"
  • "Oh my God! This is my song!"
  • "Brett Ratner is slated to direct the remake of The Godfather.”
  • "Check out my new Crocs!"
  • "Wow, I’ve never met a white guy who likes The Wu-Tang Clan!"
  • "Guys, lesbians don’t actually scissor in real life, it’s just something they do in porn."
  • "Rohypnol is the same thing as Aspirin, right?"
  • "I heard they offered the role to Nicolas Cage, but he turned it down."
  • "Just make sure you boil the water before you drink it…"
  • "You know, Spike Lee seems like a pretty nice guy."
  • "Brett Ratner dropped out and now The Godfather remake is going to be directed by Michael Bay and it’s going to be a futuristic re-imagining that takes place in the not-too-distant future in which Japan has taken over the world and the Corleone family will now be an ancient clan of dystopian yakuza that ride hover motorcycles and fight with laser katanas."

If there are any sentences I missed please share them!